i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
