I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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