If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
