dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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