I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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