Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
