when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I cannot find my penis.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
