I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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