everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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