day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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