God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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