Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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