She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
