I have demons in me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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