I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
