you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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