Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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