How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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