Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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