I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize