why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
