somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize