I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
