Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
