I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
