On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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