If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
