I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
