either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
