whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
