After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
