everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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