Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
