i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
