how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
