he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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