True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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