There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
