Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
