his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
