I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
