we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
