'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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