there was a trapeze. enough said
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
