party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
