Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
