part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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