Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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