i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
