My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize