Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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