dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
