At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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