porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
