If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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