I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
