The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
