When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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