ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
