Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
