You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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