Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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