i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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