The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
