so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
