If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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