Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize