I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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