Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
