Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
