i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Blood and glitter go together right?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
