why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
