Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
