I got chris browned last night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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