Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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