I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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