He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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