??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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